i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this will be a night to untag.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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