Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
