I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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