i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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