ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You're a disaster
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