your parents love me but you hate me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
