is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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