cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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