Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
