It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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