So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
