I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
