I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
