He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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