It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
