Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
