My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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