Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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