She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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