My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
