Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
