apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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