I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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