Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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