i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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