Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
