I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
