im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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