I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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