I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
