I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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