$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bet he comes in French.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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