hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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