We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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