I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just cropdusted the office
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
