Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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