there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
there is puke in my bra ... again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
