Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
