So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
