how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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