I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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