Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
