Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
