So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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