Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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