some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.