Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.