Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.