so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?