you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
