Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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