Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
