Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
