guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
