I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
