I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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