My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
