please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
