just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
