Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
