You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
