Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
