Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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