I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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