he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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