I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
