He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
