I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
