It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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