Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
