I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
