im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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