So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
