now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
