Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
