my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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