I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
