My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
