My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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