a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
