he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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